Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Witty baby #3

I have about three blog posts with me and pictures of a gigantic belly from Jonah, my second {check them out here, here + here}. And unfortunately none from Andrew because I started this blog after he was born.
And that's ok, because really, who wants to see me as a beached whale? I may feel good through pregnancy, but I do not look good. 
I've taken joy in telling the boys about this growing parasite, as Gary would call it. Showing them videos and pictures of what a baby looks like inside a uterus.
Jonah made a funny about the umbilical cord + keeps calling me fat in the cutest way. Both boys unanimously agree that it will be a girl. They think it will be a baby sister, they say.
They take care of me by asking me if my belly hurts (they remember my morning sickness), or if they squished the baby when we are rough housing, loving on each other, or when they sit in my lap. I love their caring nature. I love that they're a part of this.
What I don't love are these hormones. I've been feeling a lot of things lately. And thinking a lot. And praying a lot. How on earth am I supposed to do this?
Bouts of depression and anxiety attack me every.day. It takes every ounce of emotional effort and faith to choose a change of attitude. And to also remember, I know I can do this. I know it will be hard. But with His help, it will all be okay. It will all be worth it and this is where I'm supposed to be. But it still doesn't feel right unless I top it off with a good cry in the shower. And after that? WHOA. Hormones. Am I right, prego ladies?
I keep a pregnancy journal {as I did with both boys} to preserve the memories, baby-related thoughts, physical changes and so on.
But here are a few of the other things that have been bombarding my mind + well-being for these past few weeks:

I really can't wait to find out how Andrew + Jonah behave with a new little baby in the house. In the middle of winter. Where Gary will still be teaching. Where Andrew will magically still be attending school somehow. Where Jonah will still feel like he's loved even though baby will be permanently attached to mother's chi-chi. Where I will go days without a shower + lacking sleep, asking myself how I ended up this way. I was supposed to be working in an Austin-based animation house, for goodness sake! Honestly, I could care less about that dream job, I choose these little people over and over again.
 Jonah wondered why I was photographing myself with an exposed belly. He wanted to do the same.
I don't think I'm quite big enough to bust out my maternity clothes just yet. But the above shorts with the mid-waist elastic are my so favorite shorts ever and I said what the heck...I love the material and the color, and the elastic is not that uncomfortable.
I was asked the other day what my due date was. With a quick 'err....are you expecting?' followed after that. I don't think people should be asking me about it yet. Obviously, they have never gotten this memo:
Honestly people. What if I was just fat? That happened to me once or twice. 
   Hey! You're pregnant!
   Umm, no. 
Seeeeeee? It's embarrassing for the both of us, so just keep your mouth closed. MMkay? MMkay. If I want to announce to the real world that I am pregnant, I will do so with a waddle, ill-fitting clothes, maybe some gas, and by rubbing + itching my belly, which by no means is an invitation for you to come rub it too. Hormones, I tell ya. 
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