pregnancy: almost done + a mess of a blog

hey guys!

Long time no see, amIright? Frankly, I don't even know where to begin...

Perhaps at the most obvious reason for my absence--this pregnancy. And in order to not feel like such a slacker, I'll do a belly bump post and hopefully briefly share how this baby has been growing for the past few weeks.
But first just a little note to say that I've since loaned my big girl camera to my sister because she will be my photographer for the birth. Since she doesn't own a DSLR, I decided that she could just have mine and practice photographing her little one, Leo. Caren, I have faith in you :)
In the meantine, this pregnancy has been recorded and photographed with my iPhone :) i hope you don't mind...

The boys know that there's a baby inside this belly. I just don't think they understand quite yet how. Or why. Jonah has had moments of immense curiosity and has asked how this baby is supposed to come out. Umm. This is after he notices that mommy doesn't have a penis like he does...or his brother...or his daddy. I just love those public restrooms curiosity questions so much...

They kiss, they rub, they are so careful with the belly it makes my heart melt. They understand I can't pick them up and that usually, Mommy's back hurts.  

Week 28 // Week 33 // Week 35

So after week thirty-something, I gave in buying a support belt for this huge belly. And it causes relief and uncomfortableness at the same time. It's kind of an oxymoron, I guess? 

I get big. SUPER BIG. And my back muscles are just puney, you know? I just thank God I wear a 34B...

So a support belt it is. A big belly with plenty of love marks it is. A beautiful healthy baby, it shall be. 

Sometimes though, I think instead of a baby, a tiny little ninja lives in there...either that, or a tiny gymnast. 

Taking millions of supplements, the incredible lack of power to hoist oneself up from the bed or couch, and even that mean constipation...I've got all those symptoms plus more if you must know...

And my weird belly button...Sometimes it can't decide between being an outie or an innie. I think it depends on the position the baby is in, which has been on the right almost this entire trimester. Hiccups like crazy, but oh, crazy-sweet. She is so responsive, even to counter-height touch (you know, where your bump bumps against all counters in the house?) and the smallest of rubs. 

So here I am. I dare you to ask me again,

and please don't be offended when I answer: I am pregnant, tired and uncomfortable, how else do you think I feel? 

There should be a class to teach etiquette on pregnancy questions. I am so over the "you are so big!" "due almost any day now, huh?" and so forth. Because NO. I shouldn't have to put up with your "oh, my!" and "you are about to pop" comments and incredulous looks at my roundness. 

I know I get big. I just don't want to hear it from you. 

So just please, say how beautiful my bump is and when I tell you I'm due in 3 weeks, just say, I hope your birth will be stellar! or something along those lines. Heck, I'll even let you come touch her so that she can kick you! 

So you caught on to my sarcasm + hormones all out-of-whack, did ya? here's some more just in case you missed it....

  •Watching any birth videos makes me cry. Why do I do that to myself? 

  •The hormones and emotional levels of this time around are so incredibly ridiculous I start to wonder why on earth this was a good idea. 

  •Patience? Where?...what is that? 

  •I also cry at the thought of starting over at raising another little human, because it is so incredibly challenging. Can I do it again? Which areas of my parenting should I improve on? 

  •but, any time I start to think about holding her, kissing her, seeing her smile + hearing her laugh, all of that just disappears. 

And I can do it. I really can. 

So yes, Tyler Elena. I am so ready for you. So ready to see you, so ready to just have my whatever-this-thing-of-a-body is back to "normal" and OH so ready to just complete my little family that I love with all my heart.