Friday, January 24, 2014

on the day you were born

I don't know about you, but I get real nostalgic remembering those days after I first met my two beautiful boys.
They were so perfect and tiny. I was so sore and exhausted. I was swollen, I was in pain, I had doctor visits, and nerves and anxiety about my milk supply. I remember having a bit of resentment towards the boys because my body felt like it was damaged...why would they do this to me? Would it even go back to 'normal'? 
...no, is the answer to that question...thanks Universe.
but. I remember basking in the overflowing thoughts that we had created this tiny little human, how hairy and adorable and weird looking he was all at the same time. How I wish time had frozen so I could just stare at him for hours...days.
And now, I am at it again. It's been three and a half years since I last experienced these feelings...so I hope to indulge in them again. To just feel the magnitude of motherhood. The completion of my family. You know, the ooey gooey love feelings you get when you first have your newborn in your arms?
So I decided to remember the boys birthdays on here. To let them know they were just as special on the day they were born as this little bean will be when she finally arrives.
:: Andrew ::
August 7th, 2008 || 10:44 pm || 6 lbs. 10 oz. || 19 3/4 in. long || Birthed at home
The day you were born was a Thursday. I had been laboring part of Wednesday and Thursday all day. It was getting really late. It was such a long labor! Daddy, Moomie, Granpops, Betsy, Nana, Papa, Dawna, James Ross, Caren, & Wita were all present to welcome you in their arms. You had a ginormous cone-shaped head, but oh such a beautiful little boy you were! Your cries were heard and they were the sweetest sounds. Hearts were melted. Happy tears were shed. And I...I just wanted to sleep! Moomie watched over you that night because Daddy and I felt like jingle bells after a Christmas concert -- all beat up and worn out! You were the first grand-child on your mom's side, and the third grandchild on your dad's side.
:: Jonah ::
July 4th, 2010 || 10:50 am || 8 lbs. 12 oz. || 20 in. long || Birthed at home
You were born on a Sunday. I had started labor the night before and hardly slept at all. My contractions with you were completely different than with your brother's. Oh, I begged the moon and the stars to not let you be an Independence Day baby! And guess what? the Universe went ahead and let me know they make the rules, not I. Daddy, Moomie, Betsy, Dawna & Andrew were there when you were born. When you were born, there were some difficulties but you were perfectly chunky, beautiful, and quiet. Not a peep. Not a cry. Just this big, calm, squishy baby. You were taken to mend your broken arm at a nearby hospital, and I met up with you a bit later after my clean-up. Your arm was tucked to your side with an ace bandage for almost 4 weeks. Even though you were born at home, you lived your first hours at a hospital. It was heaven when we finally brought you back home because it was as if you had belonged there the entire time. 
I love you boys. 
Meanwhile, I have been working at preparing. Nesting, if you will. I have plans to finish things and do things (plans that don't require bending over). I figured one of those plans might involve a paint mess. Both boys are capable enough to do that so I imagine a day where I take them outside to paint on my belly before the due date...who knows what chaos will ensue or if it'll even happen!
I have also been looking up ways on how to make the boys feel like part of this big event. You know, something that they actually enjoy and not just an exhausted mommy and a crying baby? They're still little so I'm not quite sure what their concept of birth is. Or if they'll understand that the baby is no longer inside my tummy. I'm not even sure they'll like the baby...
But I've found a couple of things that I would love to gift them when the baby finally arrives:
  • a disposable camera to take their own pictures of the baby
  • a Lego book with a ton of stickers (you can never lose with Lego's + boys)
  • a medicine or doctor kit to make their own inspection of the baby
This weekend, the boys and I will be headed to central Texas to birth this baby at Moomie's house where I first birthed Andrew. When time comes, the hubs will meet us in Dublin (it's a long Texas ride) to hopefully catch the baby. It'll be bittersweet since we will only get to spend a couple of weeks there and then, we will make the trip back to our home in Houston. I hope my house is clean when I come back :)
I would love it if you could please pray over my family, our trip to and fro, and the birth and health of this baby.
Many blessings,
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Sunday, January 19, 2014

pregnancy: almost done + a mess of a blog

hey guys!
Long time no see, amIright? Frankly, I don't even know where to begin...
Perhaps at the most obvious reason for my absence--this pregnancy. And in order to not feel like such a slacker, I'll do a belly bump post and hopefully briefly share how this baby has been growing for the past few weeks.
But first just a little note to say that I've since loaned my big girl camera to my sister because she will be my photographer for the birth. Since she doesn't own a DSLR, I decided that she could just have mine and practice photographing her little one, Leo. Caren, I have faith in you :)
In the meantine, this pregnancy has been recorded and photographed with my iPhone :) i hope you don't mind...
The boys know that there's a baby inside this belly. I just don't think they understand quite yet how. Or why. Jonah has had moments of immense curiosity and has asked how this baby is supposed to come out. Umm. This is after he notices that mommy doesn't have a penis like he does...or his brother...or his daddy. I just love those public restrooms curiosity questions so much...
They kiss, they rub, they are so careful with the belly it makes my heart melt. They understand I can't pick them up and that usually, Mommy's back hurts.  
Week 28 // Week 33 // Week 35
So after week thirty-something, I gave in buying a support belt for this huge belly. And it causes relief and uncomfortableness at the same time. It's kind of an oxymoron, I guess? 
I get big. SUPER BIG. And my back muscles are just puney, you know? I just thank God I wear a 34B...

So a support belt it is. A big belly with plenty of love marks it is. A beautiful healthy baby, it shall be. 

Sometimes though, I think instead of a baby, a tiny little ninja lives in there...either that, or a tiny gymnast. 
Taking millions of supplements, the incredible lack of power to hoist oneself up from the bed or couch, and even that mean constipation...I've got all those symptoms plus more if you must know...

And my weird belly button...Sometimes it can't decide between being an outie or an innie. I think it depends on the position the baby is in, which has been on the right almost this entire trimester. Hiccups like crazy, but oh, crazy-sweet. She is so responsive, even to counter-height touch (you know, where your bump bumps against all counters in the house?) and the smallest of rubs. 
So here I am. I dare you to ask me again,
and please don't be offended when I answer: I am pregnant, tired and uncomfortable, how else do you think I feel? 
There should be a class to teach etiquette on pregnancy questions. I am so over the "you are so big!" "due almost any day now, huh?" and so forth. Because NO. I shouldn't have to put up with your "oh, my!" and "you are about to pop" comments and incredulous looks at my roundness. 
I know I get big. I just don't want to hear it from you. 
So just please, say how beautiful my bump is and when I tell you I'm due in 3 weeks, just say, I hope your birth will be stellar! or something along those lines. Heck, I'll even let you come touch her so that she can kick you! 
So you caught on to my sarcasm + hormones all out-of-whack, did ya? here's some more just in case you missed it....
  •Watching any birth videos makes me cry. Why do I do that to myself? 
  •The hormones and emotional levels of this time around are so incredibly ridiculous I start to wonder why on earth this was a good idea. 
  •Patience? Where?...what is that? 
  •I also cry at the thought of starting over at raising another little human, because it is so incredibly challenging. Can I do it again? Which areas of my parenting should I improve on? 
  •but, any time I start to think about holding her, kissing her, seeing her smile + hearing her laugh, all of that just disappears. 
And I can do it. I really can. 
So yes, Tyler Elena. I am so ready for you. So ready to see you, so ready to just have my whatever-this-thing-of-a-body is back to "normal" and OH so ready to just complete my little family that I love with all my heart. 
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